“WHY Don’t I Have the Time?”
“That, detective, is the right question.”(1)
Charu and I had a “provide alternatives” rule with our boys. When we were picking which activity we were going to do or which restaurant we were going to go eat at, anyone could throw an idea out, but you could not simply respond, “No.” Instead you had to respond with another suggestion, “Instead of Subway, how about Taco Time?” This rule keeps the conversation going, which generates more ideas for consideration. The generalization of this rule would be: favor conversation expanders over conversation enders.
When someone is asked to do something, a very relatable and understandable response would be, “I don’t have the time.” But that’s not much of a conversation expander. It fails to give important information to the requester, and were the requester to probe any further, it would most likely come across as pushy.
The conversation expands when you ask yourself, “Why don’t I have the time?” Here are seven alternatives, from easiest to most challenging
Suspension: “I will get to that in <ETA>.” - You’re telling the person that you are temporarily booked out, but you can schedule this for the given date. If that date works, then you’re all set.
Delegation: “You should ask <person>.” You’re telling the person that you’ve delegated this problem space to another person or team. Now they can forward their ask on to that owner.
Negotiation: “I can help with <part of ask>.” - This is a “meet me half way” response. You’re telling the person you can help with part of their need, but then they’ll either have to take on the rest themselves or find another owner for that part.
Prioritization: “I’m not prioritizing that.” - You’re telling the person where it ranks in your relative prioritization. This will get you into the discussion of importance, and perhaps uncover other motivations or benefits that move this ask up your priority list.
Optimization: “Let me figure out how to fit this in.” - You’re telling the person that you’re the right owner for this, but need to do some tuning to figure out how to work this into your sustainable rhythm.
Confession (Short-Term): “I’m behind on what I’m supposed to be doing, so I can’t even entertain an additional ask.” - You’re making it clear that you’re currently underwater, and focused right now on finding stability. This opens the door to a deeper conversation with the asker.
Confession (Long-Term): “I don’t think I have time. But, in all honesty, it’s not something that I know. Time is elusive to me.”
Or “I don’t regulate my time and therefore I don’t know what amount of time I would have.” - This is a conversation ender because most people wouldn’t know what to do with this response. But it’s captured here for completeness, and as the setup for the deeper dive below on confessions.
The first three of these are pretty straightforward in terms of the follow-up conversations they generate. Now I want to expand on the last four.
