Suffering = Pain x Resistance
Pain is mandatory; suffering is optional
If you’ve ever been in a meeting with me, then you’ve seen my Angst Mug. It is my one and only coffee mug. My Angst Mug is my daily reminder that angst will be part of my day, and I need to be okay with it.
In my Earning Trust post1, I talked about the steady increase in responsibility and scope as you move up in levels. Here I want to delve into the not so pleasant direct relationship: the level of uncertainty and ambiguity in your work also steadily increases. The more senior you become, the more time you’re spending on the more challenging problems that your company faces. What makes these problems more challenging is that they typically have less clear cut “right” answers. There are more judgment calls, with more downstream impact of each decision. I intentionally used “more” a bunch there … to capture how this builds up on a person, and can really start to weigh on them.
I always try to put this added weight in a more positive light. Whenever a colleague gets promoted, after I’m done congratulating them, I usually take that opportunity to introduce them to (or refresh their memory on) my angst progression. I was smiling during the congratulations, and I intentionally keep smiling for my angst sharing. That’s not because I’m a glutton for punishment. It’s because there truly is a positive side to angst that I want them to focus on. With a smile on my face, I say the following:
“With your increased scope will come more angst. Always remember that angst is a good thing, and should be embraced. Feeling angst means you’re acknowledging your own accountability and you are aware of the impact of your decisions. You should probably be worried if you don’t feel angst.
Here is the level of angst that should expect at each level:
Junior: you’ve heard of the term “angst”.
Staff: you encounter an angst-ful situation one a month.
Senior: you may have an angst-free day, but you won’t have an angst-free week.
Principal: you may have an angst-free meeting, but you won’t have an angst-free day.
Partner: you wake up in the morning to find a bottomless cup of angst waiting by your bedside … and you carry it with you throughout your day.
Executive: angst has invaded your dreams.
Angst is an indication that you’re taking the situation seriously enough. Celebrate that awareness2.”
My Angst Mug is my embracing of the angst. It has a rainbow on the mug, and a smile, so of course it’s a happy mug. And yet there is the angst of a naturally occurring rainbow being a frown. 🙂
Buddhism and Brooks
More recently, I was introduced to the Buddhist perspective on pain and suffering. I love this summary: “Pain is mandatory; suffering is optional.” Arthur C. Brooks describes it as an equation: Suffering = Pain x Resistance3. These are both excellent framings. Pain is a part of living. It’s inescapable. You don’t control the level of your pain. But you do control the level of your suffering. The more you resist the pain, the more you will suffer. Accept the pain and be better, in both the short and long term, because of it.
